Life

I was born only a few months ago. For twenty five years I lived as a prisoner in a cell of my own making. I clung to songs, movies, pictures, people; things that somehow I looked to like an orphan sitting in the window watching families passing in the street wishing he could have one. I’d never lived, only dreamed of life. I watched others and wondered what it was they had that I didn’t.

I’d always heard it was better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. I never knew what that meant, but this last year I loved for the first time in my life. I thought I’d loved before but it was still always about me and my comfort. I lived by passion, but wile love has passion yes, passion is just as often motivated by selfishness as sacrifice. For the first time a few months ago I stepped out and did what’s right,  just because it was the right thing to do, and that was the first time I’d ever truly loved. And for the first time I actually felt good, whole, and each day as I strive to do what’s right, not to feel good about myself, not to get what I want, but because it’s the right thing to do, I feel so alive and such joy and peace, and for the first time I don’t have to cling to hope of the future, I can rest in the fullness of today.

I still cry sometimes, but when I do, there’s a deep breath at the end and I feel better.  Life isn’t about the destination, it’s about the journey. Peace with God isn’t trusting His promises, I’ve clung to His promise my whole life, that one day it’d be good, what I didn’t know then, is that it’s always been good, some day I’d just learn to live one day at a time. Take no thought for tomorrow. I can handle any given day, no matter how bad it is, if I stop worrying about how I’ll make it through tomorrow. I fail, every day, but I smile, and try again. I can’t express to you how I finally feel that nice warm feeling that I’ve always longed for, when I go to sleep at night, alone, and unaccomplished, but I know I’m loved, and I know that today, I did the best I could and tomorrow, if God grants, I’ll do the same. I’m growing, and for someone who’s only a few months old, that’s good enough for me, and I know God loves me. ;-)

Our Daily Struggle

Read Psalm 34 and notice verse 19 "Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all." This verse like: "A righteous man falleth seven times and riseth up again." are both verses that we tend to just pass over and not take literally. but for real for real. A righteous man DOES FALL and a righteous man DOES HAVE AFFLICTIONS, many of them in fact it says. If you look through the Bible, David and Joseph both waited 14 years before they were given the positions God promised them, and in the mean time it looked like they were getting further away from the goal, the one sold into slavery, rose up through the ranks only to be thrown in prison again! the other tending sheep, rose up and killed a giant, made a name, then had to run for his life from the king for years. Then Moses and Abraham both had to wait way more years than 14. the one having been born in a palace and then fleeing the country for I think it was 40 years before God called Him back, Abraham waiting till he was old, and Abraham, after his wife became barren, questioned God's plan and wile He "believed" God would make him a nation, he questioned the how's and whys and tried to make it happen himself by sleeping with Hagar which caused a load of problems. :-P Yet God's plan is God's plan. "Don't ever give yourself the false dignity of thinking your big and bad enough to mess up God's plan." Something a very wise 16 year old pastor's daughter told me years ago and it's so true. Peace, Joy and Hope all stem from resting in God. Obey right now. I don't care if you sinned all morning and didn't get anything done all day because you felt defeated. A righteous man falls seven times and gets back up! It never said a righteous man doesn't fall. God has forgiven you and for you to think that you can't come boldly before the thrown till you have walked the line even 5 minutes is to mock the Cross and Christ's sacrifice as if His death was somehow not good enough or that you somehow can in your goodness add to His provision. We fool ourselves with this thought. "I sought the Lord and He delivered me from all my fears." Ps 34:4 and verse 22 "The Lord redeemeth the soul of his servants: and none of them that trust in Him shall be desolate." That is our hope. He is our only hope. Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy he saved us," Read also Titus 3:3-5 I recommend reading James and Titus and personally the psalm of the day thing is a good reminder more often than not. I think the reason we get to where the Bible doesn't inspire us when we read it is because we begin to think that it's words are not literal, but that somehow through lots of study it's suppose to allude to how to live, yet, (read James 2:17-24) we see with Abraham that "faith wrought works, and by his works was his faith made perfect." I believed God had a plan, and yet it wasn't till I started "living like I believed it" that my heart was comforted. "Commit thy works unto the Lord and thy thoughts shall be established." a friend shared a description of faith with me the other day that "faith is acting like it is so, when it is not so, so that it might be so, because God said so!" 

 

Granted, there is the question of what when and where God wants you... but: "whatsoever thy hand finds to do, do it with all thy might" if your at church, with family, with friends, studying, working or just spending time with God. Don't second guess it. Do it. God will guide you to where He wants you, but you won't do a good job of that if you can't learn to do a good job where you're at right now. "be faithful in the little things and I will give you much to be faithful for." again as the tortoise said in Kung Fu Panda :-P "The past is history, the future is a mystery, but RIGHT NOW is a gift, that's why it's called the PRESENT!" it sounds cute, but all through Scripture God commands us to "take no thought for tomorrow" and He says that "if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." The past He's forgiven, and the future is in His hands for "the battle is not to the strong, nor the race to the swift, but God gives the victory."! "TRUST in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding, in ALL thy ways acknowledge Him and He WILL direct your paths." Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you." "Delight thyself also in the Lord; and He shall give you the desires of thine heart." Don't spend so much time worrying about whether or what your suppose to desire, focus on obeying literally His word in whatever situation your in by doing it with a whole heart, and honor Him by trusting Him with whatever situations/people you can't attend to at the moment. You'll be amazed how He will open your heart to anticipate even more the desires He's already place in you, only without fear of failure and when it is time you will be able to pursue them with renewed vigor and no holding back or distraction. Granted it is a daily struggle to maintain focus, but you'll find peace and safety when you realize that God is on your side and your not the one responsible for success, He will give the increase, your only job is to obey and accept His acceptance and forgiveness when you fall short and trust Him to pick you up and give you the faith/strength to try again.